Why is it that when you do nothing, you are more tired?

That is exactly what I did today.  I watched 3 episodes. . . .count them, 3. . . of Beverly Hills 90210.  It is my favorite thing to do on a Saturday.  (And, can you believe that they are coming out with a spinoff?  The anticipation may kill me!!)  I finally forced myself off the couch to learn some music and eat lunch around 1:00.

I know. . . it’s hard to be me!!

But now, I am exhausted.  I mean, I did have to sing at church tonight.  That wears a girl out, right?  Not really.  It was nice to have some motivation to, you know. . . move. . . today.

And, on a totally unrelated note. . . every time I go somewhere with a bottle of Fiji water, someone tells me how expensive it is.  Let me state, for all of those who haven’t asked yet. . . I got it on sell.  And, I am refilling the bottles and risking the poisons that leak from the plastic.  I don’t know if I will ever buy it again!!  It is getting a little ridiculous!

It’s about 7:20 in the morning.  I have been at work for about 45 minutes.  I am sitting in my office in the dark, with only the light of the computer screen because Sierra has gone back to sleep before she heads out to summer school.

The darkness is a funny thing to me.  At night, when I go to bed, there is something so peaceful about it.  It is calming and relaxing.  But, when I walk into a room and it is dark, there is always an edginess (is that a word?) to me.  I am a little nervous about what is there and sometimes even scared.

That is so funny to me.  What is there to be afraid of?

The fear of the unknown can be so gripping sometimes.  It is so hard to completely trust God and believe that he will guide and protect me according to his plan.  It’s the thought that his plan might involve something difficult or scary that gets me.

This morning, however, I am just spending some time with him.  Letting him love me and remembering that I love him.

Have you heard the news?  And, have you heard this?

I am totally amazed by this guy’s voice.  I love that he is trying something completely new and brilliant!!

Phil recorded a night of live worship.  I sat down to watch it via my computer screen for a couple of seconds.  I watched the entire thing.  His passion is evident and his talent is beyond comparison!

So, spread the word.  August 8 is the day.  SING ALONG!

I have never been one to be that ready for marriage.  There was always school, then starting a business.  I am good at coming up with excuses.  But, for about a year or so, I have been open to the idea.  Just open, and some days even really dreaming about it!  That doesn’t mean people are knocking my doors down for dates, though.

Dates. . . what’s that???

I know, I know. . . all you married people just envy my alone time.  The quiet time I have with myself and my thoughts.

Well, let me tell you, my thoughts aren’t really that interesting!!

So today, I came across this.  Just another reason to want to tie the knot!

I have a lot to learn.  And, I hope I always feel that way.  There is something so exciting about being on the edge of learning.  It’s sometimes a scary feeling, but it just seems like a door is opening up for so many possibilities, so many conversations, so many new people to meet.

This week, one of the things I learned was that the written word is not always the best way to communicate.  And, the blog world is still not understood or valued by so many.  I found myself explaining things that were written and then attempting to explain the value of a blog and the community that forms and develops.

The conversation left me with more questions than answers.  I am OK with that, but it has me thinking.

I don’t update my blog regularly.  (I know. . . don’t throw things!)  I also filter the subjects that I am willing to talk about on this blog.  I get personal, but I hope I don’t ever do that in an attacking way.  But, is that the point?  Am I so worried about offending and being misunderstood that I am not being real?  That is not what I want at all.  But yet, we get angry, sometimes, when people are real.

And, if I were to have a disagreement, of some sort, on this here blog thing, would I personally contact the person it was with?  Is the community being built here that true and authentic?  I would like to think it is, but that’s not always the case on some blogs.

I don’t know. . . these are thoughts that are floating in my brain on a Monday morning.  I totally value the community that is built on a blog and am 100% behind the opportunity to do it.  I see the benefits and have experienced them.  How do you explain that to someone who hasn’t, though?  Can someone who just reads blogs but never “jumps in” even understand that?

Martha Stewart’s got nothin’ on me!!

No, not that crazy book in the back of the Bible that all the pastors in my life avoid teaching me about.  I had a revelation tonight.

Now, for those of you who know me, you will probably be stunned that I didn’t realize this about myself.  And, I have to admit that I think I knew it, but I was reminded.

I am so LOUD!  I had dinner with some friends last night and, as I was walking out the door, I realized just how quiet it was once I was leaving.  

What is that about?  Why is it that I have so much to say when I am with people but I have to make myself write on this blog?  Why am I at a loss for words here but never in “real” life?

I am pretty sure when I heard all these lessons this week about being quiet and hearing the still, small whisper of God, that was really just a way to tell me to SHUT UP!  I AM THE NOISE!

This is the best holiday wish I have seen in a while!  Don’t doubt. . . just keep watching!  They make me laugh!

My friend, Brody, is all about showing other people how much we appreciate them.  I need to be better at that!  So, he had this idea for us to tell people about the blogs that referred the most people to our sites.  Being the computer genius that I am, I never knew how to find that out.  BUT. . . I am getting better a figuring stuff out and now I know how to do it!  So, here goes!

Brody:  I met him through Shaun, which turned into this, which turned into a great friendship.  He just makes me laugh!  He is very creative and always has something brewing in that mind of his.  I love being around him when he is with his family.  He’s a great dad and husband and he puts that at the top of his priority list.  That’s great to see!

Kristin:  She is my favorite new friend!  I love reading her blog because she shows how kind and compassionate she is.  I am not sure I really know anyone else like her.  She has got to be the best mom I have seen in a while.  And, she puts up with Brody.  That, in itself, may be her biggest accomplishment!

Barb:  I am not sure if you are seeing a trend here, but this is Brody’s Mom.  I can only imagine the stories she could tell about that.  I have never met her, but she has given me tons of wisdom.  I could have really used her in my life about 10 years ago!!  She is kind and caring and is totally devoted to her family.  That’s awesome!

Natalie Grant:  How did this happen?  I don’t know, but have you heard this girl sing?  I mean, does anyone do it better?  I love reading her blog.  I love reading about how she doesn’t take her gifts from God for granted.  I just imagine her being this totally cute, sweet girl that you would love to hang out with.  Maybe that will happen soon, huh!?!

Eric:  This guy makes me think more than anyone I have ever met.  I got to know Eric by doing some dental work on him.  We didn’t get to hang out nearly enough.  He has tons to say and is not afraid of stirring things up a little.  Don’t visit if that bugs you!!  I love it!

I have been disappointed in some of my friends lately.

I really don’t even know what to say after that.  It takes a lot to make me mad.  I don’t know that I would say that it takes a lot to disappoint me, but I usually just blow everything off.  Now I am wondering why I do that.

What is it about my personal relationships that makes me think that it is OK to be treated badly?  Professionally I am not like that at all.  And, what is it that makes me want to just let it go and not confront the person?  I would never do that at work.  Are my expectations too high?

I am learning that I don’t love myself very much.  I am also learning that I don’t think I am worth a lot, that I doubt having a lot to offer a friendship.

Now, in my head, I know I have a lot to offer, that I am totally lovable.  How do you translate that to feeling it in your heart?