In Rapid Pursuit

Missed me?

Posted on: May 1, 2008

I haven’t written in a while.  And, I am pretty sure that somewhere in that last post I promised a little more authenticity around here.

Maybe that’s what has scared me.

I don’t open up that easily.  I have been trying for a while now.  Some days, it works.  Others. . . not so much.  I think that’s normal.  Please say it is!  I have come to realize, however, that you really can’t have true, meaningful relationships without authenticity.  Maybe that’s why I am single, huh?!?

Now, I am not talking about the whole spill-your-life-story-as-soon-as-you-meet-me type thing.  I am just talking about really opening up and being vulnerable.

Recently I realized that most of the people I have been vulnerable with in my life have really let me down.  It happened again with a really good friend.  With her, it’s like you can only get so close then she’s had enough.  Time to move on to another “friend.”  And, maybe that’s her issue.  But, I have missed her and her family.  I have missed our talks.  I have missed our time together.  And, I have missed being comfortable opening up to someone.

I am wondering if I have been so busy that I haven’t made our friendship a priority.  I am wondering if my expectations of a friend are too high.  I am wondering if it is just easier to “keep it on the surface” and nothing more.

So, I have been silent on this blog.  I would love to say that I have used that silence as a time to reflect, draw close to God. . . you know the speech.  I haven’t.  I have used the time to do just what I am not supposed to do.  I have busied myself so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it or think about it.

That’s another issue!!!

3 Responses to "Missed me?"

Everyone must be having “friend” troubles. I just wrote a little bit about have expectations of our friends on my blog. Sure it would be easier to “keep it on the surface”, but thats not where lasting friendships or relationships are truly made. I feel a lot like you, I have a hard time with the opening up thing but, you have to make yourself vulnerable, it scary and sometimes we are let down, but most of the time its worth it.

You are right, Shannon. My head knows that friendships are worth all of the hard work. Sometimes my heart has to be reminded, though!

Dear Tracy, I’m actually the type to open up, but find that not everyone is…Lord willing, I will comment fully soon!

Take care!

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