In Rapid Pursuit

I met God!

Posted on: November 30, 2008

Tonight I helped lead worship at Crossings, our youth program.  I had not rehearsed the music, but I was only singing harmony on songs that were familiar.  That is not normal for me.  Usually I am prepared, over-prepared, really.  Tonight I wasn’t.

So, we started playing.  As I watched the crowd, I could see people responding more than I was expecting.  I saw barriers being broken down.  I saw people hugging and hands being raised.  I saw people get on their knees and people getting emotional.  Then it hit me. . . I started feeling that too.  I felt very vulnerable in that moment, but I knew that God had swooped down and met me right where I was.  In that moment, his presence surrounded me like never before.

Then the tears came. . . and came. . . and came.  I cried for the person I used to be and I cried for the person I am today.  I cried for the fact that I haven’t felt God’s presence like that before.  I cried because I may never feel that again.

In that moment of vulnerability, I needed to feel safe.  I needed to feel OK with where I was.  I needed to just be and be there with God.  I didn’t feel that way, though.  It wasn’t OK for me to be in that place.  It felt awkward and weird.

I realized tonight that church doesn’t feel like a safe place for me.  It never has.  I realized tonight that, even though I lead worship at the church, I can’t lead where I haven’t been.  I realized tonight that it takes more than two songs to get to that place, to usher in the presence of God.

Tonight I wondered how long it will take to break down the barriers of the people I go to church with if it took me this long.  I wondered if we will ever experience that type of authenticity in our weekend service.  I wondered if we are not experiencing it because of me.

2 Responses to "I met God!"

Tracy, Many times, I have experienced God moments when you were present. You may not have experienced them yourself, but you do bring Him along every time with you. Trust me. God uses you and your ministry through music, and also friendship and touches lives of many people. Those people may not always tell you, or you may not always see that in them, but believe me, it’s happening!

Barriers, Barriers, just be yourself and invite the Holy spirit
in, they are there always waiting, always wanting us.

Keep up with your centering pray, open up an invite
in.

and Tracy, Dave and I treasury your friendship and fellowship

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