In Rapid Pursuit

Work in progress

Posted on: January 13, 2009

I am learning I don’t lead up very well.  I mean, I have tons of ideas, but it seems like there is usually no traction.  Then, once I am gone, there is some.

Weird, huh?

I am learning that my voice isn’t heard.  Maybe that’s because I talk too much.  Maybe when something is important, it is watered down by what I have said that isn’t important.

It’s really frustrating to think that I can lead down, but not up.  I mean, are you really an effective leader if the people above you don’t listen or don’t care?

I say NO! 

I have to work on that. . . work on being quiet most of the time and speaking up only when it counts.  For me, it’s hard.  When I am passionate about something, it’s all important.  When I am pouring my life into something, it’s important.  When most of my time is spent somewhere, it’s important.

When I see changes being made that I begged for, it hurts.  It shouldn’t.  I should be happy.  I am not.  I am sad.  I am sad that I could not communicate effectively.  I know that’s the problem, but it feels like I didn’t matter.

I’m working on this.  I am working on leading up more effectively.  I am working on knowing that my low self esteem may the issue.  I am working on realizing it’s not all about me.

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